Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
