It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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