Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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