If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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