I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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