the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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