new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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