If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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