so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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