If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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