its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
