if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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