Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
