I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
