You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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