when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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