come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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