Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
