Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
