Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
