i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
