i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
