He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
