He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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