Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
