Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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