apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
whose parrot is this?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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