Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
