I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
