I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
