hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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