I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
