So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
