Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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