you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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