her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
