I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
