**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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