Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
