I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i think my cat just said my name.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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