Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
