True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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