Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
