This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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