The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
