is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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