I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
