I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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