I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
