I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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