Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
